My Fault, My Blame
by RaeAnne
Summary: GC Mea Culpa, "my fault, my blame" a team splits, a friendship is tried. My re working of the events. NEW CHAPTER 3-17-05 FINISHED!
1. A Kind of Hush

**TITLE:** My Fault, My Blame  
**AUTHOR:** RaeAnne  
**RATING:** PG  
**SPOILERS:** Mea Culpa and everything previous  
**DSICLAIMER:** I don't own CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, (but I sure wouldn't mind negotiating the release of Gil Grissom and Horatio Caine to me… yum!) and am seeking no profit for this story (unless of course you count feedback as profit….hmm). No infringement on the owner(s) rights is intended. The song Don't! is by Shania Twain, again I do not own it and this story is for entertainment purposes only.

**AUTHORS NOTE: **Hi there, this is my first CSI fan fic, I have written a few for CSI: Miami but I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to write a Grissom/Catherine story. This story may be a bit out of character (I hope not bad…) anyway I hope you enjoy it. Thanks! RaeAnne

**CHAPTER ONE:**

**A Kind of Hush**

He watched her leave Ecklie's office, face neutral; he knew though, that if he could just see her eyes they would betray her. But she was out of reach. She was so far away it seemed. The walls separating them were glass, he could see her, but not touch her, the walls were solid, never mind that before all of this the only distance between them was a breath…now it's immeasurable time.

He shook his head, smiling sadly as he dug his hands into his pockets turning to his office, gaze on the floor.

* * *

Her stomach turned, her head spun, _did that just happen?_ She turned on her heel as she exited the office, there; in the corner of her eye, she caught his face. Could she face him now? She had to. She couldn't face herself if she couldn't face the person whose approval and respect she sought over anyone else's. She met his look boldly; thankful the distance effectively weakened his powerful blue gaze that did her in every time. She struggled to remain calm to show no signs of her inward struggle. He seemed to smile just now as he turned away. How could she ever talk to him about this?

* * *

Grissom sat alone in a small diner starring at a rapidly cooling cup of coffee, strong, black coffee. Three days, eight hours, and twenty two minutes she'd been gone. He hadn't even realized he had been counting. He had avoided her without much effort; they were after all on two different planets, or might as well be. He was walking a thin line, a line he never dreamed he would walk with her. He felt anger, and betrayal when he saw her now, and he hated the gnawing feeling of emptiness when he saw her face in his mind's eye. These feelings should have been directed at Ecklie he knew that…but it was Catherine's face, friendship, companionship, or lack of, which was haunting him. 

_He's punishing me… _he thought begrudgingly remembering Nick and Warrick when the sat across from him at this very table when the phone rang, their 'boss' summoning them. _Ecklie did this; all of this _Grissom looked into the black liquid with disgust._ You sure knew how to do it didn't you?_ Grissom fought back a rueful chuckled.

Grissom fished money from his pocket laying it on the table before heading out the door

* * *

Six days, one hour, fifty four minutes. Catherine sat at her still foreign desk looking around her sparse office. _He can't face me either…I know the feeling_ she put her head into her hands exhausted, emotional drained. 

She finally lifted her head turning to the closed door willing him to come through it, he didn't. She spun her chair to the window over looking the lab. She felt so detached an outsider to everything that she used to be the center of. She missed Warrick and Nick, the way they treated her now was that of a boss, not of a friend. She even missed Sara… at least to a point anyway. Now here she was on a plain above the rest, a position Grissom handled with seeming ease.

She thought back to the time she had been offered Nightshift, closing her eyes she saw herself treating her boss like she would have Lindsey. Talking down to him she told him she'd play politics, she'd scratch their backs…And now she was. _I am everything I thought he should be! I am trying to be everything he isn't! I am trying to prove that I am better…but why? _She cringed, realizing that while that was, in the beginning her goal, ten plus years with a man like Gil Grissom changed you, and thankfully for the better.

Politics now left a bad taste in her mouth; she realized that selling yourself out to appease the 'public' at the expense of the evidence, of justice, of the victims wasn't something she wanted to be part of. She thought that she had had it all figured out. She thought that with her way she could have it all…

* * *

His shift would start in twenty minutes; he slowly turned his chair in a continual circle as he stared at the ceiling, hands folded across his stomach. 

"What are you doing Grissom?" Sophia appeared in the hallway.

Undeterred he kept his slow rotation "Trying to gain perspective."

"From a popcorn spackled ceiling? I think there are better places for that, ever try a mountain top?" she asked drying.

He stopped abruptly and faced her, letting the silence draw out.

"Ever try a ceiling?" he asked in sincere question.

She balked shaking her head, upon seeing she would gain no more she continued passed his open door.

_Catherine would understand perspective gained from a ceiling… _he thought with a smile then paused _No, she wouldn't actually. Sara would or at least she would come in pull up a chair and join me, thinking she was partaking in a grand wealth of instantaneous wisdom and knowledge…but not Cath. She would come in, not say a thing just let me be, and then when I'd finish she smile and ask 'learn anything?'…**she** knows me _he chuckled softly then turned sad as he saw the phone book open on his desk, open to the florists.

He tried a million times to call and send her flowers to 'wish her well in all her supervision endeavors' …(which happens to be just one of the rejected card sentiments tossed in the wastebasket…the reason he gave up on the flower idea). Man, he missed her.

* * *

Nine days, nineteen hours three minutes. 

_It's time, if he isn't coming to me then I'll go to him _Catherine thought. Her shift had ended early, not extremely early but enough that she could talk to him a little bit before his started.

"Hey Catherine, Warrick and I are gonna grab a bite, wanna come with us?" Nick asked thumbing towards the hall.

Catherine stopped her purposeful walk to politely decline "Sorry guys got to spend time with my kid. Maybe next time, I'll treat."

They nodded and disappeared. The walk to Grissom's office seemed to go by in an instant.

"Knock, knock," she controlled her breathing.

Grissom heard the voice and he caught his breath "Hey there, come on in," he forced a smile.

She stepped in; hesitating for a second then closed the door behind her.

"I've been meaning to come over and congratulate you, but crime just seems to keep getting in my way," his words were cool and professional but he tried to add jest as he smiled. His body language tense.

"I know the feeling, chaos on my shift too…" Catherine shrugged sitting in the chair she had sat in so comfortably in for years…now it seemed hard and uninviting.

They sat in silence, but unlike before, this silence was strained and awkward.

"How are…is everything?" she changed her phrasing quickly eyes seeking his.

He fought her, as best he could, but her pull was stronger then his will.

"It's okay," he met her eyes, blue burning into blue.

She nodded sharply, the only thing she didn't want him say…the only thing she didn't want to hear was 'okay'.

"Please don't tell me its okay!" she nearly whispered, but even her whisper was demanding.

He looked baffled, "What would you like me to tell you?"

She shook her head "I don't know, tell me our friendship, or work history warrants more then an 'okay' when it's nearly destroyed! Tell me you're angry, tell me you're glad…that you hate me and you…I don't know! Anything but just okay!" her words tumbled rapidly bitterly.

He blinked not used to trying to respond to this level of emotion from her, or anyone.

"Please Gil, just tell me something! Your team was tore apart; I have your two best CSI's…please talk to me. We've always been able to talk," she calmed.

His heart was beating fast, he looked sadly at her. Fulfilling her plea would only cause hurt for both of them.

"What happened wasn't anybody's fault. There is no reason to try and analyze it further," his tone was bit harsh.

She stiffened, rubbing her damp palms on her pants. She would not walk.

"Were we partners, were we friends…ever?" she questioned.

"Of course Catherine! How can you even question that?" he finally showed signs of life.

"Then share with me! That is what friends do!" she folded her arms.

He was silent, and she starred him down.

Grissom swallowed hard, his mouth dry, "Why did you say yes?" his words were quiet but at the same time loud enough to resonate through the whole office.

It stung like salt in an open wound, she blinked back sudden tears. Gripping the arms of the chair, she licked paper dry lips.

"He didn't exactly give me a choice. He pretty much said how it was…and it was…"

He nodded, "We could have fought it, we could have tried to change…" he clamped his mouth shut before he went too far.

_verse one_

I never intended it to happen like this, I never meant for it to hurt anyone,_"_ she glared at him trying to get him to understand.

"I know," he paused.

"But I did, I know. Truth is I don't think I'm done learning yet. It seems every time I turn around I make another mistake. Worst of all is I know I was a tool Ecklie used to hurt you…"

"Catherine, if you came here looking for forgiveness for something you have no control over you are wasting you time," he was curt to save himself from breaking in front of her.

"I didn't come here but to see you…" _I miss you_ she started piqued.

_two_

"…but if you want to be stubborn that's fine. If you want to leave this like it is, fine. If you want me to go I will…" she was hurt, and he wasn't responding.

_Go ahead, leave, you left me once already…_ he remained silent another moment. "What I want is to move on, put this behind us, can I have that?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I'm tired of fighting!"

"We're not fighting!" he interjected.

"Don't interrupt, I didn't say **we **were fighting I said **I** was tired of fighting! Tired of fighting myself, convincing myself that I can do this on my own because as it stands I can't. I'm tired of fighting the nagging in my heart that can't put you, what I learned from you aside and lead my team the way I think I should…I hate that I feel I am dependant on you…that I can't go on without you!"

He was stunned, "Then don't.'

She lifted an eyebrow in confusion.

"Don't fight anymore just choose…" _choose me._

"You are in my head, in every move I make, every case I lead I ask myself what would you do? You are a part of me…embedded in me because you taught me to see beyond the obvious and I can't get away from you," she was a mix of anger, sadness and desperation that left Grissom yearning to somehow heal her.

"I am sorry for that, that you can't escape me…Go now, choose escape once and for all, put me behind you and I know that you will be just fine, great in fact," he forced a smile.

_three_

"I can't, I won't. Because as much as I've fought you, I know now that I fight because I need you, and I hate needing anybody. These past few days have been hard because I feel like I've lost all connection to you that there isn't even friendship to fall back on. I know that you are upset with me because I said yes, understandably so! I'm upset because I said yes! I said yes! I was so eager to prove that I was as good as you or better just so I could escape the feeling of need I felt towards you! I was so sure I could be the supervisor you weren't…that I could walk away from you…." She was ashamed of the words she heard coming from her own mouth, but they were truth, and truth most times hurt.

Grissom looked at her, trying to asses what was underlying her words, if there was something else hidden there, there wasn't. He wanted to tell her that he needed her just as much as she said she needed him…but to open himself up like that?

"I was hurt that because you didn't even discuss it with me, didn't say a thing to me about what happened…not that you said yes or wanted to be a supervisor. I know you don't have an obligation to talk with me…to discuss your work choices with me…but I thought you would have," he wouldn't meet her eyes; he let her in, just a little bit though.

"I should have…but I didn't and I'm not entirely sure why I didn't. I never meant to hurt you like I did. I honestly didn't, I just didn't know how to tell you all this…but Gil, I don't want it anymore. I want to be back here," she let the words come slowly.

Gil shook his head sadly and smiled tenderly "No Catherine, you don't. You just are hitting a rough patch. It's just a moment…it'll pass I promise," he didn't dare let himself believe there was an ounce of truth in her desperation.

"I don't want the promotion like this; no more then I did when I was offered nightshift before! I don't want it like this! I don't…I would rather spend the rest of my life working under you and be able to look myself in the mirror in the morning with respect then this!" she laid her palms open on the desk showing him she was offering everything back to him, if he would only take it.

"You are gone Cath, no longer mine. You are no longer one of my team, no matter how much either one of us might want it. You are a bright, amazing CSI, it's time for you to be all that your talent and experience warrants. What's done is done, lets make the best of it," he spoke with usual Grissom wisdom and she was silent.

Like being punched in the stomach, she blinked feeling sick the words sinking in, sitting like rocks in the pit of her stomach.

_four_

"Tell me we are still friends?" she breathed almost scared as she stood eyes searching his.

He rose coming around to the front of his desk, leaning against the front of it.

"We're still friends," he smiled and she nodded stepping closer, he embraced her.

_five_

"Shh, now, go home, get some sleep and everything will be okay tomorrow," he smiled pulling away after a long moment.

She opened her mouth the say, "It'll never be okay, it'll never be alright…never the same!" but he shook his head, and the words died on her tongue.

He pointed to the door and she started out.

_six_

She looked back and he nodded knowingly.


	2. Everyday

**TITLE: **Everyday  
**AUTHOR; **RaeAnne  
**DISCLAIMER: **see chapter one

**A/N: **Here is chapter two, I hope everyone enjoys it. Thank you **ANNA** and **mkiara **for your reviews! This thread is easy to get your story pushed back, thanks for noticing me (and reading!) -RaeAnne

**CHAPTER TWO:  
****Everyday**

She went home that night, kissed her sleeping daughter and stood in the bathroom starring at her reflection. _Who am I? What do I want…need? I need to get through this…I want to breathe again _Slow warm sticky tears slipped down her cheeks as she thought back to Grissom's face 'Choose escape'…the words echoed.

* * *

Grissom on the other hand went to work, and faced all the things familiar and like always questioned everything. 

_This shouldn't be this hard!_ He rationalized starring at DNA comparison on the computer.

"Not considering one is male, the other female and not at all related…" Greg appeared over his boss's shoulder.

"What?" Grissom questioned unaware his thoughts had been said aloud.

"Not thinkin' about the DNA were you?" Greg stated more then questioned, as he stuffed his hands into his lab coat.

"I wasn't," Grissom relented.

"About Cath then?"

Grissom glared at the aspiring CSI in wonder and a bit of anger, "Trying to analyze me Mr. Sanders? You might want to stick with the evidence," the words were curt.

Greg however wasn't deterred from his train of interrogation, "It wouldn't be unusual if you were thinking of her, I mean come on she was your best CSI, and friend…" he stopped when the glare turned deadly.

"Come on Boss, I saw her in your office, but you never went to hers…that I am aware of anyway. It would seem that there are hard feelings on your part, thought I have to say I think they are directed at the wrong person…" Greg folded his arms deciding to risk it; I mean Grissom wouldn't kill him right in his own lab…would he?

"And that is why you are still a lab tech and I am a supervisor. Stick to your DNA Greg, and leave the profiling to us okay?" Grissom was shocked at his own hard and wounding words. Grissom stormed from the lab quickly before he had to say something more, in way of an apology.

Greg wasn't upset by his boss's words; rather they just served to confirm his suspicions: Grissom did in deed need Catherine Willows, more then he or anyone else could say.

* * *

Catherine woke to the shaking of her shoulder by an impatient little blond. 

"Mom wake up!" Lindsey demanded through clenched teeth.

"Honey…I'll be up in a minute…to make your lunch," Catherine mumbled turning her face into the pillow.

"Mom it's Saturday! It's your day off, REMEMBER! You marked it on the calendar two weeks ago. We were supposed to have a girl day!" Lindsey wined, hurt her mother had apparently forgotten.

Catherine lying on her stomach pushed herself up, hair falling into her face "I'm sorry, it must have slipped my mind, there has been so much stuff going on at work. Just let me get cleaned up and I will take you for breakfast to start the day huh?" she sighed turning to look at her daughter, blowing hair from her eyes.

Lindsey grinned and happily nodded leaving to ready herself. Catherine collapsed into the pillows; it was going to a long day.

"Can we go to that diner that Uncle Grissom took me to?" Lindsey asked excitedly as they headed to the SUV.

Catherine raked her brain thinking when Gil had taken Lindsey to breakfast. "Where is that honey?"

"The place with the huge pancakes and the cherry topping!" Lindsey answered climbing into the passenger seat.

Catherine chuckled fastening her seatbelt, having a pretty good idea where her daughter meant.

They made small talk as they drove to a little diner just off the strip where the former Nightshift liked to frequent.

"Oh mom, David! David, he's the boy in my class I was telling you about…?" the preteen paused to make sure her mom was paying attention.

"David…yes David, your class," Catherine repeated absently, opening the door, there was after all only so much a mother could hear about the same boy.

"_ANY_way, he is like the cutest boy in school…but he picks on me! Calls me weeping Willows and I have never weeped…not in front of him anyway," Lindsey went on dramatically.

"Wept, honey, not weeped," Catherine corrected scanning the full diner for a table.

"Whatever, I have to use the restroom…Uncle Grissom!" Lindsey screeched racing to a far corner booth.

Catherine watched a whirlwind of blond excitement race to a solemn, solitary man. Her mouth fell slightly as she followed her daughter.

"Hey Gil," she smiled hesitantly, Lindsey oblivious to the tension between her mother and her 'Uncle' Grissom, she sat herself across from him and began to relate all the latest news from Planet Lindsey 'Weeping' Willows.

"Hi Cath," Grissom gave a seldom bright smile, "I am done here, the place is kind of crowed so you are more then welcome to the booth."

Only a half finished cold cup of coffee remained, he started to stand.

"Wait…don't go, unless you want to…" Catherine said quickly holding a hand out, making Grissom sit back down.

"Yes, stay!" Lindsey grinned finally aware that her adult counterparts weren't listening to her stories.

"I should go," _ask me stay one more time…._

_one_

Catherine looked into his eyes _don't fight me Grissom, just for once don't fight me when your presence is what I want, need…don't fight me. _"We want, we would like, you to stay…"

Grissom's heart lifted, "If you're sure, "he grinned _because I really want to stay._

"Very sure."

He nodded in agreement and settled back into his seat. Catherine went to join her daughter on her side of the booth.

"No, sit over there, please. I can talk to you guys better that way," Lindsey smiled brightly; unaware she made both adult's hearts stop.

"Linds," Catherine started with a nervous laugh, in normal circumstances she wouldn't think twice about sitting with Gil, in fact, she would jump at the chance, but at this moment, she didn't trust her emotions.

"I don't mind," Grissom looked up to Catherine expectantly.

"Okay…but I'll take the inside I know you detest the inside," she relented to her daughters request at the imploring look of her former boss's eyes.

"It isn't necessary," he stated.

"It is, now move," she grinned playfully.

"Yes ma'am" he chuckled standing to let her in.

Time moved slowly at first as Lindsey related all the events of her school week between bites of cherry topped pancakes, though having every other word be "like" or "so" or a combination of the two was a bit tedious.

Both Catherine and Grissom listened nodding now and again but most of their energy was focused on starring or rather not starring at each other from the corner of their eyes.

"Hey you know what! You should come to the mall with us, Mom is taking me to that new huge super mall they build, they have insect zoo there, I have to do a report, and it will be lots of fun, and if you could, then it would be _so_ like cool if you could help me with my report! I mean you are like the most smart person I know…next to my mom of course…what ya think Uncle Gil, you want to?" Lindsey grinned, the words flying from her mouth in a rapid stream.

Grissom took a long moment to process the seeming non ending sentence that had sent his vocabulary recognition into overload.

Catherine nearly choked on a swallow of orange juice, hand sliding on the vinyl bench she had leaned on to stabilize herself as she started to cough, she slid right into Grissom's muscular thigh, making both of them add sensory overload to the all ready dizzying conversational rant that happened mere seconds before.

"I …I…" Grissom started mind still numb as his skin burned where Catherine's hand had make contact, the touch she had yet to pull away.

"Honey," Catherine stabilized first, "Uncle Gil just got off of work, I am sure he is exhausted and would like to get some sleep not hang around with two shopiholic females," Catherine removed her hand that tingled from Grissom's thing, her heartbeat not slowing. She was quick to give her daughter the cautionary "eye" before tying to smile unaffected at Grissom.

"Actually…Catherine, I'd like to go. I don't work tomorrow, or rather tonight. I don't get to spend nearly enough time with Lindsey. I would really like to go, if you don't mind," Grissom met her warm gaze and smiled. He shocked himself with his forwardness. He didn't think it would mean as much if he had made the request to Sophia, or Teri or even Sara, if she didn't misconstrue it that is. With Catherine, there was so much to gain, and so much to lose. They walked a thin, fragile line that seemed about to break.

"We'd love to have you," Catherine smiled _I miss him too much. _She had only recently come to realize how much she had come to rely on his presence through the days, the years.

"YEAH!" Lindsey grinned clapping her hands, her face brighter then on Christmas morning.

* * *

"How many shoes does one person need again?" Grissom shuttered as they emerged from the third shoe store in the last half hour. 

"You can never have too many," Lindsey quoted.

"You are so your mothers child," Grissom shook his head in mock grimness, though he smiled.

"If the shoe fits…" Catherine's eyes lit up with her grin.

"Buy it in every color?" Grissom lifted three bags he had graciously offered to carry.

The three laughed blithely.

"Before we go to the bugs what do you say we make a drop off?" Grissom fought back a groan as he hefted the many shopping bags as they stood from their momentary rest.

"Good idea," Catherine agreed.

They started to navigate the crowed mall, stopping to gaze into the beautifully set up windows.

Lindsey's attention was caught one particular girls clothing shop display.

"OH MOM! They are so beautiful!" she skidded to a stop in front of the pink and white party dress, her words a long sigh.

"Yes baby they are, but they are so expensive," Catherine's heart broke that she couldn't give her daughter everything she wanted.

A ringing cell phone was the perfect distraction.

"Grissom," he pulled the phone from his pocket.

Catherine looked at him, question written on her face. He gave her a somewhat worried smile, but nodded.

"Yes, I understand…tell Sophia I'll be there," he closed the phone, lips in a tight line.

"That was Sara, there has been a break in our case, and they think they have the guy. I have to…"

"Go. I know. Thank you for spending what time you did with us," Catherine tried to act nonchalant, "I know it meant a lot to Lindsey…and me."

"I don't want to go, you know that right?" he stepped closer to her.

Lindsey was back at the dress window not noticing them.

Catherine bit her lip, for maybe the only time in her life, words not coming.

"I'm sorry…" he stepped infinitesimally closer, brushing feather light lips across her forehead before handing her the bags and disappearing into the crowd, like he had never been there at all.

_two_

"…It's okay," she closed her eyes and sighed, _actually its not, it's not okay unless you are here! _


	3. Restless

**TITLE:** Restless  
**AUTHOR:** RaeAnne  
**DISCLAIMER:** See chapter one

**A/N: **Wow, chapter three already, I hope everyone likes it. I appreciate so much the feedback from everyone; it seems that Catherine/Gil stories are not the majority favorite lol :-) So thank you again for the support! –RaeAnne

Julie(**StrawberryBlondeHazelEyes)**: I am so glad you're enjoying the story, I have had that same thing happen to me, I have read a story and be all but finished and am actually singing the song in my head then when I am all done realize "that was my favorite song!" and not even noticed it. I end up having to go reread it lol. Thanks for your review! –RA  
Thanks too to, **Wiily, **and **Hubba **you're reviews are greatly appreciated.

**CHAPTER THREE:  
****Restless**

"We got him," Brass announced emotionlessly as Grissom entered the LVPD.

"Has DNA proven it?" Grissom asked skeptically.

"Sara got a sample and should be getting' it back ASAP, she had Greg rush it," Brass fell into step with Grissom as they headed to the interrogation viewing room.

In the rooms' corner stood a uniformed officer and at the metal table sat Sara and Sophia with a clean cut, well dressed man in his thirties.

"So how did you do it Ben? Did you promise her money…marriage maybe? Lure her in?" Sara bated the blond scum.

He remained silent.

"Come on now, we know you did it, the evidence is stacking up, even as we speak," Sophia slid over a white folder.

The man looked away not speaking.

"Got your results Boss!" Greg came through the door handing over a file.

"Thank you Greg, I will see you back at the lab," Grissom started to look over the results.

"I was kind of hoping I could stay…" Greg shrugged cautiously eager.

Grissom started to deny the young mans request thinking back to the incident in the lab, but then thought about the last few hours with Catherine, "All right you can stay. But tell me does that man, Ben Larsen look like he murdered four women and an unborn child?"

Greg silently looked through the two way mirror then thought out his response, "No, but it isn't the appearance, but the evidence we weigh."

"Right, but don't quote your text books Greg, each case is different, and in them there are unforeseeable variations never forget that…but good work," Grissom nodded stepping out the door to join Sophia and Sara.

"We got him," Sara nodded approvingly standing arm to arm with her boss as uniforms led the murderer to the holding cell.

"Yes, we did, let's just hope that the system can keep him," he shook his head turning his back.

An hour later, he sat in his dim office fingering a piece of folded purple construction paper colored with crayon. A rounded skinny legged but smiling spider on the front.

He smiled it seemed like yesterday that five year old Lindsey walked into his office in her My Little Pony pajamas caring a teddy bear (one he had gotten for her the day she was born…) and the little picture.

_"For you!" she grinned handing him the paper. Catherine followed her holding a bag with her makeup in it. _

_He smiled at Lindsey "Than you very much, it's beautiful," he then looked to her mother who was trying to cover up a bruise across her cheek that matched the violet paper._

_Lindsey sat on his lap and looked through his "bug books" happily, as Grissom watched Catherine put herself together._

_"It'll just be a little while Gil I promise. __Nancy__ is coming to pick her up…" she rushed putting a thick layer of powder over the already heavy foundation._

_He just nodded around the lump in his throat. He hated to see her like this, he hated that she used him as only a momentary escape; he wanted to keep her and Lindsey safe always…_

Grissom shook himself back to reality, the memory left him both pleased and saddened.

Knock, knock. Grissom closed the desk drawer quickly. "Come in," he called in his most professional voice.

"Hey Boss," Nick grinned making himself at home in the office, Warrick following suit.

"Hey now, I am not responsible for you two anymore!" Grissom chuckled.

"Force of habit," Nick shrugged.

"Cath's off tonight, we ran into Ecklie who said to hang with you because you were staying on till the end of swing," Warrick studied his friend.

"I am, but I doubt a lot will happen in the next hour and a half," Grissom checked his watch.

"If nothin' does we'll chat!" Nick grinned.

* * *

"What do you mean Father Daughter dance? Catherine questioned as her daughter finished off her second strawberry milkshake. 

"Well they said you could bring anybody as long as it was "a father type figure"…" Lindsey slurped the remains of the melted treat.

Catherine felt a pang of sadness as she though of Eddie.

"It's not a big deal… I thought that I might ask Uncl…" Lindsey's sentence was interrupted by her mother's cell phone.

Lindsey made a face just knowing it was her mom's work.

Catherine looked at the called ID and smiled "Its okay, its Gil," she said quickly before answering.

"Hello," she said happily.

"Hey, it's me," Gil's voice was warm.

"Hi, Gil, is everything okay with your case?"

"Yeah its fine, done actually…Why I called, I ran into Nick and Warrick and I thought that I'd get them and Sara and we'd all have dinner, a reunion of sorts. I think we all need to talk, do you want to?" he was a tad rushed and sounded like he expected her to say no.

"I think it's great, what time and where?" she was a bit taken aback.

"9:30 at the Red Sunset?"

"Great, I'll be there"

"Great"

"Yeah, see ya then"

"Bye"

* * *

9:28, Catherine walked into the slightly upscale restaurant dressed in a long black dress. 

"Grissom," she gave the name quickly and was led to a private room towards the back on the restaurant which was decorated in deep reds and satiny black.

She had had a terrible a terrible time getting a night time sitter for Lindsey but managed to enter the room at 9:30 on the dot.

The long black table was empty save for Grissom.

"Where is everybody?" she asked as she was seated at his right.

"They'll be here in a little while," he replied sipping a glass of red wine, "I wanted some time for the two of us before the 'kids' get here, we have been though a lot," he smiled.

"A life time of events, a life of time of life changing evens... all of them you've been at my side," Grissom went on softly.

"And it took only a few days for one man to tear everything apart. The night shift wouldn't have been the success that it was if not for you and your leadership," Catherine put a hand over his that were on the table.

"See it wasn't…it was because all of us together that made it so great! We as a team were unstoppable, if Ecklie thought I was the problem solely then he would have found a way to fire me or reassign me, but he instead broke us up. He knew that it was you that balanced me out…he knew that the biggest blow he could deal me would be breaking apart my team!" he rambled pain flowing through his words.

"Shh, we'll get through this! Grissom this is tough, but we're strong! He didn't destroy us, you made the lab the second best in the country, you made us work together…we'll start over and reconstruct an even stronger team now," she rubbed his hand, his forearm.

"But he didn't just break up my team…he tore apart my family," his voice was nearly breaking.

Catherine did break. Scientific, entomologist Grissom was melting away to a tender hearted Gil.

"I am still here, right here…I'm not going anywhere," she touched his chest, feeling his rapid heartbeat; "I'm staying right there."

_one_

_**"It's not the same…it'll never be the same…"**_

Grissom opened his eyes. In his own apartment on his own couch, the clock reading 8:00 pm it had been a dream. He needed to get ready to go.

He took a cool shower and dressed in black dress pants, black dress shirt, and no tie. He stared into the mirror, his reflection reminding him just what he lost. His eyes were sunken slightly from fatigue, red from stress, dry because he was a scientist a man and he did not cry. He was pale. He wouldn't pretend he'd been eating right or often, he was jittery, too much caffeine.

He turned away, he turned off the lights, grabbed his leather jacket, keys and left.

* * *

Catherine paced the parking lot; she was anxious and early, twenty minutes early. She had been so shocked by Grissom's plan that after rushing to find a baby sitter she made her way to the restaurant. Never a person who liked being late, but never the person who was early she was always exactly on time…except of course tonight. 

She mentally kicked herself for parking behind the building because now she couldn't see when anyone else arrived, she didn't see anyone else's vehicles there already but then again in a huge lot, it was easy to miss any of them.

At 9:15, she could wait no longer. She walked as slow as she could possible will her self to, entering the restaurant with a proud tilt to her head and confidant smile.

"I'm meeting my party, the reservation is under Grissom," she said coolly.

"Of course, right this way ma'am."

She drew a small breath as she tried to prepare herself for what this gathering could possibly mean. She was led to a round table in the far corner of the dinning room, windows over looking the bright lights of the strip. Out of the way of the main traffic, only Grissom was at the table.

"Hey am I that early…or am I that late?" she grinned taking the chair next to him he had pulled out upon rising when she neared.

"No, you are perfect. The rest of gang will be here soon, I told them a later time…I wanted the chance for us to talk," Grissom looked from the black table cloth to her.

"Okay, not that we didn't do that all day…" she grinned her heart beat speeding up.

"I know, but we never really said goodbye, ever," he stated, observing she had on the very dress that she had been wearing in his dream.

"What? Gil, do you mean when I went to swing? I didn't think goodbyes were necessary," she stuttered.

"I know, but we have been friends and partners for over ten years…I just thought that we owed it to ourselves to say goodbye, it is after all kind of like the ending of an era," he chuckled softly, knowing he sounded like a sentimental fool.

She was silent as she thought over his words, "I didn't know how to say goodbye to you, I didn't want to say goodbye to you."

He smiled sweetly at her, realizing he was madly in love this woman, "I know, but I never meant I wanted to say goodbye to _you_ only that we should bid farewell to the ending of a chapter…" he dared search her eyes for a reflection of his own emotions. He wasn't sure of what he saw, but he was sure it wasn't rejection, so he dared yet again. What was there left to protect, he already exposed his heart when he admitted to himself he loved her.

Her hands were folded in her lap; he reached out putting a hand over them, rubbing a thumb over the top. She blinked, and then smiled opening her hand to lace her fingers with his.

"Closing one chapter to open another," he lifted her hand to his lips and kissing the back of it.

"Oh Gil…keep that smile you have right now, it suits you," she laughed as tears slid down her cheeks.

He smiled even wider and leaned towards her gently kissing away the tears, "I plan to, and I'm keeping you so how can I not smile?"

She nodded and with a deep cleansing sigh laid her head against his chest feeling his steady breathing.

Sara was the first to see them as she entered, Nick and Warrick steps behind her. She was not at all impressed. The guys on the other hand were very much thrilled.

"Hey it's about time you two!" Warrick held up a hand to Grissom.

They high-fived and Nick nodded "I can't believe it, if you could have waited a week longer, I would have won the pool!"

"What? Pool, what pool?" Catherine was shocked.

"Oh come on, like you didn't know about it? It's been going on now…for how long now Warrick? Five, six years?" Nick shrugged.

"Yeah, no one is really sure who started it, it's been going on that long…but put that aside and I must say it's nice to have the family back together again huh?" Warrick grinned sitting beside Sara, arm hung across the back of her chair.

"Yeah, I mean I have to say, the divorce was hard on me…" Nick put a hand over his heart and grinned.

"What?" Grissom laughed shaking his head in unbelief.

"You know, you and mom, splitin' up, separating us kids…it was very tough, I had to see a therapists, for like an hour just to be able to cope!" Nick played it up more as everyone laughed harder.

"I have to agree with the man, it was harsh. I mean why did I have to go with ma? Was it because I was bad and put that stinky fish in your locker, it was a joke…." Warrick said with mock seriousness.

"Hey now careful there, I am NOT old enough to be your mother…" Catherine laughed.

"And Warrick, I treat each of my 'children' the same I have no favorites…but you are getting nothing but coal for Christmas for that one," Grissom hadn't laughed like this in what felt like forever. It wasn't because it was necessarily overly hysterical, but rather because in more ways than not it was true, and now the family was back together and he felt whole.

"Hey we are missing one," Sara interjected, finally being able to let go of whatever it was she had felt for Grissom, she saw him with Catherine and realized that she did think of them as parental figures, she loved Grissom she wouldn't deny that, but she was coming to realize that perhaps it was that of a love a daughter has for a father.

"You mean me?" Greg appeared from around a corner with a silly grin and much ado.

"Aww, the red headed step child," Warrick muttered between sips from his water glass.

"I heard that!" Greg stuck out his tongue.

"Enough children, I believe that Daddy Grissom has a few words," Catherine smiled.

"I do, but they are short…They say the only thing constant is change. Changes have been happening a lot recently, big ones. I asked you guys here tonight because I've realized that if we fight change we will never move ahead. The only bad thing about moving ahead is that in order to do that we have to leave things behind. Tonight we are here to say goodbye to the Nightshift, our nightshift as it was, and in return say hello to all the new things that this change has brought about. We are fortunate to be able to take those we care about with us as we start again. Change is necessary, change is hard, change is the future, and it's the changes that make the past so cherished and the future so bright."

"So I ask you to raise your glasses to the nightshift," Grissom lifted his glass followed by the others, "to our friends, our family, to us!"

Clanking glassing followed, along with a few tears.

**

* * *

A/N: just so ya know, there will be another chapter; the end of this chapter seemed a little final…the real end does have a better happy ending I promise! RA **


	4. Feeling Good

**TITLE:** Feeling Good  
**AUTHOR:** RaeAnne  
**DISCLAIMER: **see chapter one

**A/N: **Well here is the last chapter! I just wanted to thank all the readers (you guys rock!). This last chapter is a bit cheesy, but well I like cheese! LOL so anyway thanks again for reading, I hope to have another Gil/Catherine story done soon, enjoy! -RaeAnne

**CHAPTER FOUR  
****Feeling Good**

"Hey Cath, you are been called to a meeting," Warrick stepped into his boss's office.

"I know, I am on my way," she said quickly, straightening her desk before hurrying out.

It had been six months since the former nightshift said goodbye and started again. But all would agree that while change is hard, everyone gained something and while for some it was wisdom, or strength and for two love, but for Sara she gained something that to her was more valuable—acceptance, by Catherine and for her; accepting that her love for Grissom wasn't that of a love a woman felt for a man.

Catherine quickly headed down the hall and into a large meeting room. She knew most the faces, Ecklie, Sophia, Grissom, the day shift super Spencer Pierson, but the last face she didn't know.

The man was stately and seemed very stern just from his stare and few words, "Mrs. Grissom."

The man pointed to a chair next to Grissom. Their marriage had caused quite a stir when it was announced three months ago, and resulted in a thorough searching of office policy but since the talk had cooled down. If she had married her supervisor they would have been split, there would have been a scandal, so perhaps there was something worthwhile to come out of the split. She had equality with Gil, she had friendship and marriage, and she had just about everything she wanted.

"I am Clark Butler, director of the Crime Labs for the state of Nevada. I have only recently become aware of the reorganizing of this lab's staff. I am greatly distressed by it.

I understand that you Conrad, not two weeks after assuming your position as director took it upon yourself to re-arrange the shift supervisors?" the man only paused long enough for Ecklie to nod.

"You demoted an exemplary CSI who was before she was acting day time supervisor one of your own team, to go Gil Grissom's shift. You did this because you moved Mr. Pierson, who as I understand it, had no desire to move, to days so you could promote the then Ms. Willows to swing, not the shift she had requested, pretty much a slap in her face, this raised enough question for me to come here. Why Conrad when Mr. Grissom's team had the highest solve rate of any shift here, or in the state for that matter, would you promote Ms. Willows then split Mr. Stokes and Mr. Brown from the team also…and demote Ms. Curtis? You didn't have reason to demote Ms. Curtis, but if you were trying to promote Ms. Willows because you felt she deserved it, and not trying to punish Mr. Grissom, didn't you put her on days, the shift she requested? All this to me seems to point to a personal vendetta against Gil Grissom and his team, because while you were still day shift supervisor put your team to shame.

I won't beat around the bush; I don't like you Mr. Ecklie. I think your politics are dirty and I find your forensic skills to be lacking. It is for those reasons and afore mentioned vendetta that I am firing you. That is the first of my faculty reconstructing. I am putting Mr. Brown and Mr. Stokes back on nightshift. Mr. Pierson you are moving back to swing shift, Ms. Curtis to days and Gil I have a personal request, one that I don't think on normal terms you would accept, unless your total distaste for politics has changed since I asked you to come to Vegas to recruit for me?" Mr. Butler laughed.

Gil shook his head and before Catherine had a chance to ask what would happen to her, Mr. Butler went on.

"I am doing away with the assistant director position all together and in its place am implementing a dual director position. It's the first of its kind I believe, when I was coming up with this I thought about what I would want as an ideal. The perfect director would be able to handle the ever changing forensics and have total devotion to its advancement, and still the ability to handle the messy but necessary evil of the day to day politics with dignity and honesty. Well to find someone like that, well it would be next to impossible. I however found these qualities in two. Mr. Grissom you are my first choice, you have the tenure, the knowledge and the fortitude…" Mr. Butler stopped and turned to Catherine.

"Mrs. Grissom, how do you and your husband get along…work wise I mean?"

Catherine smiled glancing sideways at Gil, "We don't always agree, but we have known each other, worked together long enough, to listen and respect each others opinions," she answered truthfully.

"Good answer. I see why you two get along so well, and why you will run this lab well together. You will be working together, mixing each other's strengths to fill in each other's weaknesses. All these moves will be effective immediately, expect Ecklie you will have two weeks to find other employment, until then Mrs. Grissom you will again be working with your husband…oh and upon you taking over the lab, it will be up to you who will replace you as nightshift supervisor Gil, might I suggest you consult your wife?" Mr. Butler grinned closing his briefcase and standing.

The room was silent in shock and awe, none could utter a sentence.

"Well if you'll excuse me, I have some other matters to attend to, good day," he nodded his head and left the room, almost like he had never been there. The group stared speechless; the first to leave was Ecklie who stormed out like a man on fire.

"So how are we gonna do this?" Grissom asked as he and Catherine sat in his office a few days after the stunning meeting. He sat in his chair; she perched on the corner of the desk next to him.

"I don't know, it's a touch choice, all three are excellent CSI's, each have their strong points," she shrugged.

"Agreed, but that doesn't really help narrow it down," he made a face.

"Okay then, fine, Warrick and Nick are my two choices. Remember whoever takes over is going to have to be able to keep an eye on Greg, he's still a newbie," she added.

"I've thought about that and agree a 100 with you…but which one?" he removed his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"Nick," he finally picked a name.

"Good people person, he doesn't desire to rampage up the corporate ladder, he is very dedicated," Catherine nodded with approval.

"All true, besides I think there is something going on with Warrick and Sara…we wouldn't want to create friction between them…" Grissom though aloud.

Catherine laughed heartily.

"What?" he stuck out his chin, clearly not understanding what was so funny.

She just laughed harder and slid into his lap, "Oh honey, I love you, but you have to know how funny that sounds coming from you who wouldn't have known love if it slapped him in the face before," she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him.

"Hey, I am still the boss here," he said between kisses.

"Sure, keep telling yourself that…" she grinned kissing him over and over.

_one_

"Honey...baby...someone...could...come in..."Grissom moaned as their kisses deepened.

"Come Gil, don't fight it…you know you want to…" Catherine giggled stopping to pull him out of the chair, pushing it out of the way.

"But, Cath…" he laughed double checking the lock on the office door.

"Fine, I will say sorry in advance for anything that might happen…just please make love to me, don't tell me go back out there wanting you!" she grinned.

With a sly smile and shake of his head, he grabbed her and pressed her against the desk kissing her passionately.

"I love you," he whispered against her neck.

'I love you too," she said back.

THE END


End file.
